“He must love me really much.”

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We have our “thing.”

My boys and I.  We do this thing every night.  After bath time, before bed time, we snuggle under my covers and we listen to “If I Had a Million Dollars” by Barenaked Ladies.  We sing along.  Easton shouts out the “mon-KEY” part, and when it’s over, we say “time for bed!”  This tradition started months ago.  Easton had become obsessed with that song, and I played it on my phone one night as I trimmed his fingernails to try to keep him calm (HA!)…and then he wanted to listen to it again before going to bed…and we have done it every night since.

Last night, after bath, before bed, Easton said, “Ha Ha Had?” which means, “Time for If I Had a Million Dollars?”  I said, “Yes, come sit by me!”

He wouldn’t sit by me.  He kept going over to our bedroom door, looking out, then looking back at me.  I said, “Sit by me!”  He just stood there.  This went on for a few minutes.  It was very odd, because usually he jumps right up into our bed and I can hardly start the song fast enough.

Then he said, “Where Keegan?”

Oh.  Keegan was in the living room, reading a book.

I said, “Hey Keegan!  Easton won’t listen to our song until you’re in here!”

Keegan appeared in the doorway with a big smile on his face.

“Oh man, Mom.  He must love me really much.”

I said, “You’re right, Keegan.  He does.”

People ask me, when Keegan is away at his Grandma’s, “Oh, does Easton miss him?”

I always felt like I was lying a little.  I would say, “Oh.  Yeah, I think he does.”

But, the truth was, he never expressed in any way that he missed his big brother.  Ever.  Whenever Keegan has been away from home, it’s business as usual for Easton.  He doesn’t do anything differently, he doesn’t ask where Keegan is, he honestly didn’t ever seem to notice.

And it always made me a little sad.

But…two nights ago, when Keegan was overnight at his Grandma’s, and it was time for bed, Easton said, “Where Keegan?”  I said, “He’s at Grandma’s.”  Easton said, “Where Keegan?”  I said, “He’s at Grandma’s house.”  This conversation continued several more times.  He didn’t understand where Keegan was. He just knew he was not here.

It made me happy.

He missed his big brother.

He asked where he was.

He wouldn’t listen to his favorite song in the whole wide world without him last night, when he knew his big brother was back home.

And, once again, I was reminded that the brotherly bond that I was afraid wouldn’t ever happen…is happening.

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He might not be able to say it, but he loves his brother really much.

And…as I type this post, he’s screaming at him.  I’m choosing to ignore it.  They’ll work it out eventually.

Ahhh…brotherly love.


8 thoughts on ““He must love me really much.”

  1. I work as an Autism Aide and have worked with kids all over the spectrum. It is so joyful when a child I have worked with on a task for days, weeks or MONTHS, finally “gets” it. Small steps are big deals.
    My own kids and I would sing this song whenever it came on. As loudly and obnoxiously as we could. My kids are now 24, 22, and 20 and if the song comes on we all immediatly stop what we are doing and start singing.

  2. This is so sweet. Its interesting how sometimes what we are hoping for but cannot see actually unfolds before our eyes allowing us to appreciate it a little more. There are little moments like these when my children are playing together that makes me smile and reminds me that they are bonding, in their own way and that they don’t need to say “I love you” or “I miss you” to show it – even through the fighting 😉 Great post!

  3. Awesome Post! I remember singing this with you and your brother…and the other SMH folks! So glad to see that I am not the only on carrying these legendary humorous songs onto my children:)

  4. I totally get it. I will definitely cry and scream with joy the day my Max acknowledges his sister the way he did a long time ago, when he said “no Baby, no” when she was toddling towards the street. My older non-autistic daughter already somehow understands that she needs to take care of Max (although I don’t think we have ever told her she had to do this), but it will be a beautiful day when the love emanates from Max to her. I totally get this. Congratulations.

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