The Four (AND A HALF!) Step Program

Remember that post I wrote a while back about my Four Step Program?

To sum it up:

  • My 7 year-old son fails to wipe, flush, and wash his hands on a regular basis.
  • I’m a failure as a parent.

So…moving on…just wanted to share with the world (okay, I realize my blog isn’t quite global at this point, but by “world” I mean MY world of friends, family, and all the nice folks that keep coming back to my rookie blog) that there has been a very important addendum, for those of you that may use my Four Step Program for your own children.  Or husband.  Or whoever.

With some markers, a piece of paper, and some tape, YOU TOO can have the Four AND A HALF Step Program at your house!

Thaaaaaaat’s right.  Last night, I walked in on my son wiping (victory!)…and then throwing it in the TRASH CAN (Um…yeah.  I have no words.)  This conversation followed:

Me: “WHAT.  Are you DOING???”

Keegan: “What?”  (Not the “I didn’t hear you” ‘what?’…the ‘“what? what did I do?” ‘what?’  Parents?  You know this ‘what?’ right?)

Me: “Put your toilet paper in the TOILET!”

Keegan: “Oh.”

Yep.  “Oh.”  The kid who loves math so much he is begging me to teach him multiplication and division responds with “Oh” when told to put his TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET.

My Four Step Program was flawed!  How could I forget THIS?  So I squeezed it in between 2 and 3:


And then I cried myself to sleep.

(That’s a lie.)

And then I sat down and pondered what’s in store for my son’s future and whether he will ever master the art of proper personal hygiene, and wondered where I went wrong as a parent.

(Also a complete lie.)

And then I looked in the trash can and wondered how much of it was toilet paper from my son’s butt.




One thought on “The Four (AND A HALF!) Step Program

  1. I was laughing so hard!! But to be honest
    Most of us have wondered how we failed
    Our parenting duties! Do you think the kids
    Ever wonder if they have failed their
    Kid duties?

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