The Poop Diaries

A while back, I wrote a post entitled, “The Toothpaste Chronicles.”  In that post, I believe I mentioned that you will not be seing posts from me about actual gross stuff (such as poop, snot, etc.)

I lied.

Yep.  This post is about poop.  It will be short, but it won’t be sweet.  You should just be thanking me that there is no photo to go along with it.

This is really just a poop update (a poopdate?) about Easton, and a what-the-hell-seriously story about Keegan.

Let’s start with the poopdate, because it’s a much cuter story.  Easton has recently started to tell me, as well as his teacher at daycare, when he is poopy.  This is fairly new, and also HUGE that he’s communicating to us this way.  He basically walks up to us and says, “Poopy?”  And now…he goes and gets a diaper at home, brings it over to the floor where I always change him, puts the diaper up to his mouth/nose (I have NO idea why, but it’s EVERY TIME), and drops it.  Then, he gets the box of wipes, brings it over, puts it up to his mouth/nose, and drops it….then lays down for me to change him.  As far as changing poopy diapers goes…it’s pretty frickin’ adorable.  And HOORAY, he can finally TELL us this news!   ANY communication initiated by him is a milestone.

(Side note: if you’re about to tell me, “Oh! It sounds like he’s ready to potty train!” I will literally put my fingers in my ears and start going “la-la-la-la-la-la” like a 9 year-old. No….just…NO.)

Now.  The what-the-hell-seriously story.

I walk upstairs.  Keegan is supposed to be getting ready for his shower.  Pretty much every single night, he strips naked and poops before brushing his teeth and showering.  I walk into the bathroom to find his underwear on the floor, poop in the toilet, NO toilet paper with it, and NO KEEGAN.

Me:  “Keegan!”

Silence.

Me: “KEEGAN TY!  Where are you?”

He comes walking nonchalantly out of the toy room, wearing only socks and a smile.

Keegan: “What?”

Me: “WHY are you naked in the toy room?”

Keegan: “Because I was going poop!”

Me: “WHY didn’t you wipe OR flush?”

Keegan: “Because I’m not done yet!”

Me (trying ever-so-hard to stay calm): “Then WHY are you in the toy room?”

Keegan: “Because I was playing hide-and-seek with you!”

I’m not kidding…not even 2 minutes later, he said, “When do I get to meet Santa?”

THE END.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I drink.

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